


not my homeland anymore

by katierosefun



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Canon Compliant, Deleted Scenes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Sad Ending, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:54:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25493434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katierosefun/pseuds/katierosefun
Summary: Three times Obi-Wan and Anakin were each other’s home, and three times their homes were crumbling apart.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 12
Kudos: 131





	not my homeland anymore

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KCKenobi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KCKenobi/gifts).



> i recommend listening [ exile by taylor swit feat. bon iver](https://open.spotify.com/track/4pvb0WLRcMtbPGmtejJJ6y?si=dfpf5cF-RGGNgRFcPtckJg) for maximum pain! 
> 
> (also, special thanks to [ kckenobi ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KCKenobi/pseuds/KCKenobi) because we were screaming last night about this album)

**1.**

“Anakin—”

“I got it, I got it, I’m fine—”

“ _Anakin_ —”

“I’m—”

There’s a shower of sparks, and Obi-Wan instinctively yanks Anakin back, even though he knows that there really is no point. The sparks fly from Anakin’s mechanic arm anyways, and the acrid smell of smoke fills their quarters.

There’s a silence, and then Obi-Wan starts to say, “Perhaps you should—”

“I’ve got it,” Anakin says, tugging his shoulder out of Obi-Wan’s grip. He sits himself back down at the workbench, eyebrows furrowed in frustration. “It’s just this…stupid…” He’s trying to pry something open in the mechanic arm, despite the fact that it’s still sparking. If Anakin’s bothered by the heat, he doesn’t show it. His fingers scramble for the arm, and with a small grunt, he shoves something open, and Obi-Wan finds himself looking down at a set of wires that he can’t keep track of.

“It’s late,” Obi-Wan says after a while. “You should get some rest.”

“I will,” Anakin says, not looking at Obi-Wan. “I just need to…” Another shower of sparks, and this time, Obi-Wan’s not close enough to pull Anakin back in time.

“Anakin, are you—”

Anakin wipes a hand across his face. “I’m fine,” he says, but there’s a strain in his voice now. Obi-Wan watches as Anakin works at the arm. He feels his apprentice’s frustration, rising and simmering just below the surface. And he knows that the fact that Anakin hadn’t gotten proper sleep since Geonosis isn’t helping.

Another shower of sparks, and Anakin swears.

“That’s enough,” Obi-Wan says at last, and he walks around to Anakin’s other side. He finds the open compartment and closes it with a soft snap.

“I was _working on that_ —”

“And you’ll work on it tomorrow,” Obi-Wan replies. He glances at the chronometer. “Or later today.”

“I don’t _want_ to work on it later,” Anakin says sharply. “I need to fix this _now_. I need to…” His hand is moving for the compartment again, but Obi-Wan pushes Anakin’s hand away. Anakin pushes back. Obi-Wan pushes back harder. It’s a silent battle of just stubborn nerves, but Anakin’s tired, and Obi-Wan knows Anakin is tired.

Obi-Wan sees the angry tears sliding down Anakin’s face a moment later, and then Anakin’s head is dropping, bumping gently against Obi-Wan’s abdomen. “Can’t you just…” Anakin’s saying through gritted teeth, “I’m just trying to…”

Obi-Wan doesn’t get to figure out the rest of what Anakin wants to say, because Anakin’s next words are melted into a quiet shudder, a quick gasp. And Obi-Wan feels Anakin shaking against him, and Obi-Wan feels that frustration crest and break.

Obi-Wan lets it.

**2.**

“It’s okay, you’re okay—”

Obi-Wan hears Anakin somewhere above him, but he can’t see him—he _can’t see him, it’s too dark_ —

There’s a terrible keening sound, and only a second too late does Obi-Wan realize that _ah_ , he was the one making that wretched sound, because his throat felt raw, and Anakin was still speaking above him. Obi-Wan couldn’t make out the words, but he could feel the pleading there. Obi-Wan wants to tell Anakin to wait just a moment, he was just trying—

And there was pain. So much pain throbbing in his head, in his body. Obi-Wan thinks he hears someone whispering after him, but no, that couldn’t be, because he had _left_ Zigoola, he wasn’t on that planet anymore—

Obi-Wan’s burning, and for a moment, he wonders if perhaps he really is still stuck on Zigoola, and Anakin’s voice—Anakin’s voice must just be some hallucination, because there is no way Anakin could come to this hellscape. Obi-Wan _hopes_ Anakin hasn’t actually come to Zigoola—but strangely, selfishly, Obi-Wan is almost glad that at least his hallucinations let him hear Anakin’s voice, even if for a brief moment—

“I’m right here— _Obi-Wan_ , I’m here—come back—”

And Obi-Wan opens his eyes. He surges up suddenly, nearly ramming into Anakin headfirst—but Anakin ducks out of the way, and he’s already steadying Obi-Wan’s shoulders. And then Obi-Wan feels a cool hand brush back his hair, and then he hears Anakin repeat, “You’re okay.”

Obi-Wan lifts his head. Anakin’s eyes are bright, charged, and he looks relieved and worried and frightened but mostly relieved.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan rasps. “I thought…” And he’s just relieved. That’s all he feels, too. Cool, pure relief, because he isn’t on a hellscape of a planet anymore, and Anakin is sitting in front of him, still brushing back his damp hair.

“I thought,” Obi-Wan tries again, finds that he can’t go on.

He doesn’t have to.

“It’s okay,” Anakin says. “You’re okay. You’re _here_.”

**3.**

“Anakin, can you—”

“ _Don’t_ —”

“If we could _talk_ —”

A sharp laugh. “So you want to talk _now_ ,” Anakin says bitterly. “Perfect timing, Obi-Wan—”

Obi-Wan grabs Anakin’s elbow, spins him around.

Anakin’s eyes are blazing, twin blue flames when he looks at Obi-Wan. But Obi-Wan doesn’t let that faze him. Refuses to let that faze him as he says quietly, “Please. I know you’re angry with me, but I—”

“Did what you have to do,” Anakin finishes. “I know. I _know_.”

“But you’re still upset with me.”

Anakin lets out a short laugh. It doesn’t suit him—it’s an ugly, cruel sound that makes Obi-Wan feel far away. “Of course I’m upset,” he says. “You…you made me believe that you were _dead_. I thought you were—” His voice cracks, and he whirls around, and he’s storming off down the hallway.

Obi-Wan watches him leave, and he waits only a few moments before hurrying after him.

“Anakin—”

And this time Anakin stops, his head hanging low.

Obi-Wan wants to reach for him again, but he has the feeling that Anakin would only pull away. So he stays a mere steps away from Anakin and says quietly, too quietly, “I’m sorry.”

But Anakin hears.

And he turns around, his shoulders hunched.

When Anakin’s head falls against Obi-Wan’s shoulder, Obi-Wan doesn’t pull away.

**+1**

“Anakin.”

Obi-Wan rests his hand against Anakin’s shoulder, and he flinches. Obi-Wan isn’t sure how long Anakin must have been standing out here, right at the top of the Temple steps, but the sky was dark, and despite the fact that the sky had been clear just a few hours ago, he could see the distant shape of storm clouds hanging above them.

“She’s gone,” Anakin says numbly.

Obi-Wan looks down the Temple steps, as though if he looks hard enough, Ahsoka might come racing back up the steps.

But he knows that won’t happen.

“Come back inside,” Obi-Wan says. “You shouldn’t stand out here.”

“I thought she was going to come back,” Anakin only says. He’s not looking at Obi-Wan. He, too, is looking down the Temple steps. “I thought if…I could just convince her, she would—I _thought_ —”

“She made up her mind, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says quietly. He can’t trust himself to speak any louder than that. “It’s no fault of your own.”

“No _fault_ ,” Anakin echoes bitterly. “She left because it was _our_ fault—the _Council’s—_ ”

“Anakin—”

“ _No_ ,” Anakin says sharply, stepping away from Obi-Wan. “You _know_ , because you were just _standing_ there—” His cuts himself abruptly as his eyes lift to meet Obi-Wan’s, and Obi-Wan feels like Anakin had just hit him. Anakin doesn’t need to finish whatever it was he was going to say, because Obi-Wan had been wondering the same thing.

But still—hearing it from Anakin was—

Anakin drops his eyes.

“Anakin…”

“I need to go,” Anakin says abruptly. He’s already backing away from Obi-Wan. “I’ll see you…later.”

And then he’s rushing away, and Obi-Wan’s left standing alone at the Temple steps.

The storm clouds rumbled above him.

**+2**

“They want me to _spy_ on the Chancellor?”

Obi-Wan sees the disbelief on Anakin’s face, sees Anakin already pulling away, and Obi-Wan wishes that the Council had chosen anyone else— _anyone else_ —to tell Anakin the news, but—

He has to do what he must.

“That’s treason,” Anakin is saying now. “That’s—”

“We are at war, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, and he tries to keep his voice steady, but Anakin’s looking at him like he’s a stranger. Anakin’s looking at the ground now, his eyes away from Obi-Wan, lips pressed tightly together, face still closed off, and Obi-Wan can feel himself losing him—

“Why didn’t the Council give me this assignment while we were in session?” Anakin’s voice is low.

“This assignment is not to be on record,” Obi-Wan replies. _Please understand_.

But Anakin is shaking his head, still disbelieving. “The Chancellor is not a bad man, Obi-Wan,” he says. “He befriended me—he’s watched out for me ever since I arrived here.”

“That is why you must help us,” Obi-Wan says quietly. “ _Anakin_.”

Anakin looks at Obi-Wan, his eyes hard. No longer burning or raging as Obi-Wan had once seen them, but cold like ice.

But Obi-Wan still tries. He tries, and he hears his own words, but even they feel far away from himself because Anakin’s looking away from Obi-Wan, his head bent and arms crossed.

 _Look at me_ , Obi-Wan wants to say. _Come back to me._

“Why are you asking me to do this?” Anakin asks at last, and his voice is tired. Weary.

Obi-Wan isn’t the one asking him to do this. Obi-Wan wants to say so.

“The Council is asking you,” he only says, and he hopes—he _hopes,_ so desperately, that Anakin could hear what he’s trying to say, but Anakin’s face only hardens.

Anakin looks back out the window.

**+3**

There is a silence on Tatooine that Obi-Wan is still trying to get used to.

He sits and meditates, meditates and sits. Tries to reach for Qui-Gon. Tries to reach for answers, but he finds his thoughts lingering elsewhere.

He wakes up in the middle of the night and paces around the hut. He walks outside into the cool night air and sits until the suns rise.

Sometimes, he thinks he can hear Anakin’s laughter dancing over the dunes. But most times, he can only hear Anakin’s screams. He can hear—

He wonders when things had started crumbling apart. He wonders how it had all went terribly wrong—because it had gone wrong. So terribly, terribly wrong.

Obi-Wan never gets used to the silence on Tatooine.

**Author's Note:**

> so taylor swift's new album 'folklore' came out last night, and i listened to 'exile' 2839402039 times because i was instantly reminded of obi-wan and anakin. (the entire album is truly a gift, and there are so many songs that remind me of tcw, but this song is...peak obi-wan and anakin tragic energy, so here we are.) 
> 
> as always, comments/kudos are greatly appreciated! also do feel free to chat/scream with me on [tumblr](https://katierosefun.tumblr.com/) about tcw/this album/anything in general!


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